Are You Always The In Between Guy/Girl?
Geplaatst op 01-08-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
I keep finding myself in the same situation. I feel like I am always the in between girl. Like after you break up with the crazy girl (or the long break from dating), but before they get married. I am like the fun girl who gets them out of their shell and into the world and ready to commit, but not to me- to someone else. I either develop intense friendships with guys where they are always calling me/ wanting to hang out but never make a move. I inevitibly wind up developing feelings for them. Then they start dating someone and I get forgotten about. or if it is a guy who I start off dating, by the time I really like them, they dissapear. I think a lot of guys claim to not like drama, but drama is exciting, and I think I might be too sane. Also, I don’t know how to let them know I would be interested while still letting them “chase”. I find myself stepping back from friendships with guys because I wind up always getting hurt. I dont want to become jaded! What do you think the problem is? |Age: 32
It sounds like all this could be happening because you’re intentionally seeking out men who are “in between” themselves. If you present yourself as the Good Time Gal Pal, the one who is going to help them get over a heartbreak or forget about a “crazy” ex, then they’re not going to see you as a potential girlfriend. For one, if they’re fresh out of a relationship, they’re probably not looking for anything serious. For two, if you make yourself totally available to these guys and let them talk about their Exes, you’re always going to be in The Friend Zone.
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I either develop intense friendships with guys where they are always calling me/ wanting to hang out but never make a move. I inevitibly wind up developing feelings for them. Then they start dating someone and I get forgotten about. or if it is a guy who I start off dating, by the time I really like them, they dissapear.
Have you considered the possibility that you’re not as open and available as you think? You’re either dilly dallying with men that, in the past, have proven to never desire a relationship with you OR you’re holding back with the men that do show interest.Why so guarded?
When I hear someone talk about how they keep dating people who don’t want full on relationships or who don’t return their interest, I assume that person doesn’t really want one either.Once or twice? Okay, that happens. But if this is a consistent pattern and you’re the only common denominator, the issue lies with you. Not them.
You’re doing the right thing by stepping back from men who want to be friends. Those guys are not healthy for you right now. Right now, they’re safe. I don’t think you really want these “friends” to date you. I think you want them to choose you. You want them to anoint you with their seal of approval. By getting them to be interested in you, they’re telling you that you’re better, you’re different, you’re not like other women. Only…you’re not that different. You’re latching on to men that don’t want you, possibly convincing yourself that you care for them. But really, you just want to know you could have them. I think if you finally got one of these guys, you’d lose interest pretty quickly.
I think a lot of guys claim to not like drama, but drama is exciting, and I think I might be too sane.
Umm…I’m guessing that’s not it. I don’t think you’re not not sane. But, see? You’re comparing yourself to these other women. This is why I think that you’re seeking validation from these men and not an actual relationship. This statement doesn’t really even make sense. I mean, really? Men don’t like women who are too sane? Come on. A woman who is “too sane” is a man’s wet dream. The only men who are drawn to “not sane” women are doormats, drama queens and “not sane” themselves. No, this is a lie that women tell themselves to support the inner narrative they have in their head.
You need to address whether or not you actually want a relationship. That’s where you need to start. Until you do you’re going to keep falling in to this pattern.